


Every popular Hazbin hotel ship in a nutshell

by ChlorineCI



Category: Hazbin Hotel (Web Series), Helluva Boss (Web Series)
Genre: Multi, Please Don't Kill Me, This Is Why We Can't Have Nice Things, i was bored so i wrote this, just for fun
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-01-13
Updated: 2020-10-15
Packaged: 2021-02-27 08:34:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 1,551
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22234117
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ChlorineCI/pseuds/ChlorineCI
Summary: basically how to piss off every hazbin hotel shipper 101.pls don't hate menote:(Also i've replaced the authors note with some helluva boss stuff if you wanna go check that out)
Relationships: Alastor/Alastor (Hazbin Hotel), Alastor/Angel Dust (Hazbin Hotel), Alastor/Charlie Magne, Alastor/Husk (Hazbin Hotel), Alastor/Lucifer Magne, Alastor/Mimzy (Hazbin Hotel), Alastor/Sir Pentious (Hazbin Hotel), Alastor/Valentino (Hazbin Hotel), Alastor/Vox (Hazbin Hotel), Angel Dust/Baxter (Hazbin Hotel), Angel Dust/Husk (Hazbin Hotel), Angel Dust/Sir Pentious (Hazbin Hotel), Angel Dust/Vaggie (Hazbin Hotel), Arackniss/Baxter (Hazbin Hotel), Arackniss/Husk (Hazbin Hotel), Baxter/Niffty (Hazbin Hotel), Blitzo/Moxxie (Helluva Boss), Charlie Magne/Vaggie, Cherri Bomb/Sir Pentious (Hazbin Hotel), Husk/Crymini (Hazbin Hotel), Katie Killjoy/Tom Trench, Loona/moxxie, Niffty/Sir Pentious (Hazbin Hotel), Valentino/Vox (Hazbin Hotel), probably more ships but its late and I'm tired
Comments: 92
Kudos: 564





	1. Sorry not sorry

**Author's Note:**

> hey guys I just want to say I made this for fun, I have nothing against these ships and even ship a few myself.

Charlie x Alastor

Alastor: I really like you for no apparent reason, wanna start dating?

Charlie: sure let me just ask my girlfriend first,  
Hey Vaggie mind if I date your least favourite person who is also a crazed serial killer despite the fact we’re already together and happy?

Vaggie:.........

\--------------------------------------------------------

Alastor x Angel dust

Angel dust: hey al, do you hate me?

Alastor: yes

Angel dust: how ‘bout now?

Alastor: nope still hate you.

\----2 days later-----

Alastor: you know what Angel, after spending actual time with you i’ve realised that I don’t hate you I just strongly dislike you.

Angel dust: well in that case wanna fuc-

\--------------------------------------------------------

Vaggie x Angel dust

Angel dust: you know what, we should start a random relationship

Vaggie: why?

Angel dust: well we have a lot in common

Vaggie: like what?

Angel dust: well you know like…….ummmm

Vaggie:...

Angel dust: uhhh well were both gay 

\--------------------------------------------------------

Angel dust x Husk

Angel dust: i talked to you once

Husk: yeah

Angel dust: clearly were in a romantic relationship

\--------------------------------------------------------

Cherri x sir edgelor- i mean pentious

Sir pentious: so you blew up my ship

Cherri: yes

Sir pentious: then got your friend to blow up my ship

Cherri: yes

Sir pentious: then tried to kill me

Cherri: yes

Sir pentious: twice

Cherri: yes

Sir pentious: then ruined all my plans and killed a bunch of my minons

Cherri: yes

Sir pentious: so you wanna start dating or what

\--------------------------------------------------------

Charlie x Vaggie

(godammit this ones just too cute to make fun of)

\--------------------------------------------------------

Niffty x Baxter

Baxter: quick Niffty we need to start a romantic relationship

Niffty: why?

Baxter: well you know were both short so we clearly belong together

Niffty: logical, that’s logical

\--------------------------------------------------------

Tom Trench x Katie Killjoy

Tom Trench: were both on news reporters arn’t we?

Katie Killjoy: yeah

Tom Trench: *wiggles eyebrows*

Katie Killjoy: don’t touch me.


	2. oh no theres more

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I realised I had missed a few so here you go

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> eh the first ones where better.

Alastor x Husk

Alastor: Husk, do you want to be my boyfriend?

Husk: so you want to start a relationship with me?

Alastor: yes

Husk: even though im a 70 something year old man who also specifically tries to avoid you at all costs and hates any sort of romance

Alastor: I really don’t see the problem here

Husk: …. 

\--------------------------------------------------------

Charlie x Katie Killjoy

Katie Killjoy: hi, im a homophobic asshole who mistreats all my employees and enjoys seeing people suffer.

Charlie:.....

Katie Killjoy: I also crushed all your lifelong dreams and laughed at you when you mustered up the courage to try and explain it through song then publicly humiliated you on TV.

Charlie:.....

Katie Killjoy: so do you want to start dating me?

\--------------------------------------------------------

Baxter x Alastor

Baxter: we should get together

Alastor: why though

Baxter: well uhhhhh 

Baxter: there was that one time we sat next to each other, oh and that other time i waved at you in the hallway

Alastor: wait start a relationship just because we waved at each other that one time or simply just sat next to each other 

Baxter:....

Alastor: that sounds….. Perfectly logical 

\--------------------------------------------------------

Niffty x Husk

Niffty: QUICK WHAT’S SOMETHING WE HAVE IN COMMON!

Husk: uhhhh we both know Alastor

Niffty: so we’re basically married then?

Husk:... 

\--------------------------------------------------------

Angel Dust x sir pentious 

Angel Dust: I HATE YOU

sir pentious: I HATE YOU TOO

Angel Dust: I HATE YOU MORE

sir pentious: I HATE YOU MORE THEN WORDS CAN DESCRIBE

Angel Dust: I HATE YOU SO MUCH THAT I WANT TO F*** YOU

sir pentious: I HATE YOU SO MUC- wait what


	3. fine here it is

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I felt kinda guilty I didn't do the Charlie x Vaggie ship, so here it is...
> 
> And yes I do know their already together.

(all right fine here it is, but only cos im a pushover and love this couple)

Charlie x Vaggie

Vaggie: so your the literal princess of hell

Charlie: yes

Vaggie: the daughter of the KING of hell, not to mention your also probably THOUSANDS of years old.

Charlie: yes

Vaggie: and i'm an angsty 20 year old who has closed myself off from society, and you the daughter of lucifer want to date me?

Charlie: well when you put it like that, now we have to get together

Vaggie:.....


	4. WHEN WILL IT END

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shipper1: dangit, we’ve already shipped everyone in the hotel  
> Shipper2: oh no, who do we ship now?  
> Overlords: *existing*  
> Shipper1&2: *looks over at the overlords*  
> Overlords: *nervous sweating*

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> is it just me or does this chapter give off crackhead energy?
> 
> anyways these ones are a lot longer than the ones I usually do, so sorry 'bout that.

Lucifer x Alastor 

Lucifer: so let me get this straight

Alastor: okay..

Lucifer: you come into my house uninvited.

Alastor: yeah..

Lucifer: you then demand we start a relationship despite the fact I have a WIFE who I’ve been with for THOUSANDS if not MILLIONS of years and have had a CHILD with.

Alastor:...

Lucifer: not only that but you are literally the business partner of my child who I had with my WIFE whom I LOVE.

Alastor:....

Lucifer: And what even was your reasoning for getting with you again?

Alastor:... well we both both seem to smile a lot.. also the fanbase thinks we’re both hot together...

Lucifer: so THAT is your only reasoning that I leave my WIFE and CHILD.

Alastor:...yep

Lucifer: OBVIOUSLY THATS…

Alastor:...

Lucifer: perfectly logical, I’m already planning the wedding.

\--------------------------------------------------------

Vox x Val

Val:....

Vox:....

Val: so uhh were being shipped now

Vox: wHaT? Why

Val: Well umm the fangirls are still trying to figure that out as well so they can figure out a valid reason to ship us..

Vox:...

Val: so until they figure out something we have in common we’re just going to have to sit here in awkward silence... 

Vox:...

Val:....

Val: so… uhh, were umm both overlords so that’s pretty ummm nice I gu-

Vox: Stop. Just stop

\--------------------------------------------------------

Alastor x Val

Val: ALASTOR LET'S GET TOGETHER 

Alastor: wait, didn’t vivzie pop say I was asexual 

Val: and...

Alastor: and don’t you run a literal porn studio and are one of the horniest bastards I know

Val:... I don’t see what’s wrong here

Alastor:......

Alastor: you know what screw it, do you want to fuck here or in the bedroom?

\--------------------------------------------------------

Angel dust x Baxter (okay I get that Baxter is not a super popular character… but he’s my favourite character sooooo)

Angel dust: Baxter, I need you to kiss me

Baxter: okay but for me to reach you, your going to need to bend down

Angel dust: okay (bends down)

Baxter: little lower

Angel dust: (goes on knees)

Baxter: nope still can’t reach you

Angel dust: (is practically sitting on the ground)

Baxter: still to tall for me

Angel dust: ( literally lying on the floor)

Angel dust: Is this good?

Baxter: great, now your just about as low as your dignity (runs away giggling)

Angel dust: YOU SON OF A BI-

\--------------------------------------------------------

Vaggie x alastor

Vaggie: alright let's go over this again

*pulls out whiteboard with ‘reasons i hate you you’ drawn on the front*

Vaggie: okay reason number 1 *goes on for an hour to explain why she hates Alastor and thinks he’s a slimy shitlord*

Vaggie: alright, any questions

Alastor: *puts up hand*

Vaggie: yes

Alastor: since you’ve finished explaining all the reasons you hate me, can we go on a date now?

Vaggie:... 

Vaggie: nO-

\--------------------------------------------------------

Alastor x Vox

Vox: ALASTOR

Alastor: VOX, WE MEET AGAIN 

Vox: HA YOU'RE TOO LATE MY EVIL PLAN IS ALREADY IN MOTION

Alastor: *gAsP* oh nooo

Vox: haha yEs that’s right I am very evil *pulls out evil thing*

Alastor: nooooo

Vox: except for some reason I love you now.

Alastor: nooooo- wait what?

Vox: well anytime two characters are enemies their immediately shipped together

Alastor: wait, how does that even make sense why would two people who hate each other get together. How would that be a healthy relationship?

Vox: I guess the fanbase thinks it’s cute or something…

Alastor:.....

Vox:....

Alastor:.....

Vox:..*awkward cough*

Alastor: soooo, come here often?

\--------------------------------------------------------

Alastor x fat nuggets (this was challenged by Aidan1488 and I have two things to say to that user. 1. Wtf and 2. Challenge accepted!)

(Dramatic music plays in distance)

Alastor: listen, I’ve been thinking about this for some time and… I think, I think I’m in love with you.

Fat nuggets: Oink

Alastor: oh, you always say that

Fat nuggets: Oink oink

Alastor: I understand we shouldn’t be together but- *dramatic tear runs down face* I love you fat nuggets 

Fat nuggets: Oink?

Alastor: ever since I saw your fat pink pig face.

Fat nuggets: Oink 

Angel dust walking into the room: hey Al, have you seen my.. *sees Alastor making out with fat nuggets*

Angel dust: *slowly backing out the door*

Angel dust: y-you know what I’ll just come back later…  
(This was a joke obviously)

Anyways moral of the story: we should all go to Burger King then commit mass genocide and overthrow the government.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright obviously the last part was a joke I mean what kind of monster do you think I am? I mean Burger King? Come on KFC is obviously superior.
> 
> :3
> 
> -don’t take life too seriously


	5. some unfinished helluva boss ship thingos that I thought of at 3am

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Don't get excited there's like two

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I may or may actually finish this chapter and actually do all the helluva boss ships instead of this shitty draft but like eh.

Blitzo x Moxxie 

Blitzo: MOXXIE I’VE DECIDED THAT EVEN THOUGH YOU'RE HAPPILY MARRIED I SUDDENLY HAVE FEELINGS FOR YOU AND I’D LIKE TO EXPRESS THAT THROUGH THIS WONDERFUL POEM I WROTE.

Moxxie:...I-

Blitzo: ahem, 

Roses are red

Violets are blue

You have a nice ass

So i’d like to sleep with you

Moxxie: Blitzo i have a poem for you too

Blitzo: really?

Moxxie: yep.

Roses are red 

Violets are blue

If you break into my house at 3am again

I’m gonna get a restraining order on you

\-------------------------

Loona x Moxxie

Loona: hEeey

Moxxie: uh hi?

Loona: I’ve come to tell you I'm totally in love with you… because... reasons I guess. Wanna get married… Mozzie?

Moxxie: Its Moxxie

Loona: whatever

Moxxie: are you high on meth again?

Loona: what nooooo phhhtttt never

Moxxie:...

Loona: okay well I might of had… a tiny bit

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay welp thats all I've written so far for Helluva boss. I only posted these cos they where sitting on my laptop for like months because I couldn't be bothered to write any more.
> 
> Anyways if I do properly write some Helluva boss ship thingos I promise there will be more funny notes instead of these boring serious ones. Like I said this is only a shitty draft that I'll probably never finish.
> 
> (anyways if you guys wanna check out my twitter and support me more here's my account @Jag_Rat I mostly post art there and have done a few drawings for this fic)


End file.
